Writing & Delighting

It has been awhile since I have sat down at this tiny little desk and poured my heart onto these pages. Writing is something that I love to do, yet it was one of the first things to be pushed aside when life got busy.

I mean. Seriously. I have a weekend full of grading ahead of me because it’s the mid-term of the third quarter! I can’t believe how fast this year has gone. People have always told me how fast the years in teaching go by, and thought it was all bologna. Until now. Where has the time gone?! What have I done in the last few months?! This life is flying by right before my eyes, (and I don’t even have kids yet!) which is exactly why I need to write.

Writing is a way for me to make sense of the crazy amount of fleeting thoughts that pop in and out of my head; it’s a way for me to mark progress and growth in my life; but most importantly, it opens up an opportunity for me to hear from God.

When I write, it is like my heart and my mind are connected, and it becomes an incessant activity. Even when I am not in front of a keyboard or a notebook, I am writing with my thoughts and emotions—it’s like it’s a lifestyle rather than a hobby.

It’s amazing how ironic this is for me to reflect on because more than anything—the Lord speaks to me when I am in a writing mindset. So can anyone please tell me why I every stop? Why I get out of this mindset and block one of the main avenues that the Lord uses to speak to me through?! Holy moly.

How foolish can I be? For the last four months or so, I have been half-heartedly seeking the Lord and looking for provision and insight, but it has not been as fruitful a season as I would have liked it to be… Did I learn new things? Sure. But it was weird. I wasn’t listening to what God was calling me to do.

It wasn’t until I was eating lunch with a good friend/mentor of mine when he asked about my writing that it finally clicked. I have been really selfish the past four-plus months. God speaks to me in ways that I never could imagine when I write, and I shut him out while “pursuing” him in other ways and allowing myself to be “busy.” It’s almost like I was being deliberately disobedient… 

Hey God. You give me great insight and specific scriptures and lessons to ponder when I am writing and seeking you with a desperate heart. You keep my mind sharp and my spirit alert when I delight in you, but instead of continuing with this type of lifestyle because it’s time-consuming and difficult—I think I’ll just stop. I think I’ll just wrestle through finding my own books to study to focus on, and then I think I’ll get easily distracted. Maybe I’ll start a different book, and then maybe watch a bible study or two, and then maybe I’ll try meditating, but then I’ll probably get hungry. Not the good kind, like hungering and thirsting for your word, but the I need a peanut butter sandwich kind of hungry… and then maybe I’ll continue wandering in this dry and desolate place (probably from all the peanut butter) until I really think I need help, so I will ask Kevin to pray and worship with me and depend on him for a bit for some spiritual nourishment. That will suffice for awhile. I mean. After all, we are one flesh—right?

Wrong.

Our God is so patient. He is so kind. He is so good. Guys, I really love him. I want more than anything to be his child and to depend on him for everything, and when I write, I tend to do that.  When I live in this world and in my flesh--I forget this truth. I miss this place. This place where I can hear from God. This place where I can share my heart, my struggles, and my pain and trust that he hears me.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

I don’t know about you, but my desire is to hear from God and walk in the will he has for my life. I want to delight in Him by living in the spirit. By writing. I want to sit quietly and listen to what he has to tell me. I want to be obedient. I desire to walk in the steps he has established for me.  Do you want the same? How will you delight in him? How will you draw near to him?

It is my prayer that you will find the avenue in which God so clearly speaks to you. For me, it's writing, but for you it could be anything! I want more than anything for you to feel the warmth and the peace of God in your heart and soul. I pray that you will feel the presence of God and hear his sweet voice… He so desperately wants this, and I pray that you do, too.
I pray that you will delight in him.

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast head-long, for the Lord upholds his hands.”

Psalm 37:23

Here I am, on the last day of January posting my third entry for the year. (Yay for goals!) Even in my foolishness, God has held me close and not forsaken me. With a million other things on my mind and my to-do-list, I recognize that I have been blessed with this little space of a blog.  Even though I have failed miserably and probably will again, I am excited to be writing and to be listening. I don’t know what is in store for this year, but I look forward to writing and reopening an avenue that I know God has used to speak to me!

I am excited to continue sharing what God is laying on my heart with you in February!

(Seriously, I don’t know how these things get so long! Hoping to post more frequently in the future with a little less content!)
 

Muah! Bring on the pink and red hearts, people!